"A fish out of water."


Well, it's Tuesday again.... day two in the week of a job I desperately want to get out of, but cannot becasue it almost pays the bills, and almost paying the bills is better than not... [sigh]

I guess I really am a fish out of water. When I first started working at Barnes and Noble, it was an interesting job, but now, 5-6 months later, I'm really working to drag myself in everyday, just to stand at the registers and say stuff like, "would you like the reciept in the bag." .... Urgh. I'm the creative type.... I NEED to be doing something that engages my mind. I NEED to find something I enjoy.

Do you know how hard it is to have the strong desire to tell my boss, "Nice working with you. Bye." But, without something else -- something better -- to bring in a paycheck, logic says, 'Jon, don't do it. That would be stupid, and put you in a worse off position than you are already in.' Unfortunately logic rarely fails in the intelligence department.

It just pains me greatly to know that each and every day my smile is becoming less and less genuine there as I am losing my will to be able to even look like I like that job. I literally drag myself in there every day just to be confined to the same place every day, repeat myself over and over, make money to line someone else's pockets, and watch as my insides turn to jelly from the boredom and severe lack of creativity this job affords.... Yet it almost pays the bills.

I've been reading this book I picked up, "The Career Guide for Creative and Unconventional People." It's a good book, and it seems to have me in mind on every page.... However, the more I read it, the more I DO want to kiss B&N goodbye and take that risk of unconventionality. Then I see that I'd be unemployed without an income at a time that that would not be a smart thing.... [sigh]... I need a severe change in my life, but I keep hearing people say that quiting a job without other possibilities is insane. Yet, I CANNOT remain in this mundane cost-cutting big business corporation -- a place where the company financial assets and profit seem to be more important than those employees that actually directly build up those assets.

I'm between a rock and a hard place.

Pray for me. I've fallen back into that state of "Free Fall", as noted in a previous post. I'm really struggling to be myself, and enjoy doing so. ... Anyone know any job openings that might interest me?

Should I weigh the pros and cons and go with my gut and quit this job in favor of finding something better? It would give me one week to hit the streets before I no longer have a paycheck. It would require a huge leap of faith and trust that the Lord leads me to greener pastures. I do need to take more of a risk in life.... But is this a wise risk?....

It's a free fall
When your back's against the wall
When you hit rock bottom and the bottom drops out
How's a man supposed to stand tall
Well the high life ain't my life
I can't walk a line and I damn sure ain't gonna crawl
Just living in a free fall

Your blogging friend,
-Jon
posted by Jon at 1:46 PM  I   I  0 comments