"Do what you love, the success will follow."


I couldn't sleep last night, at least not beyond the 1-2, maybe three hours that I was in and out of slumber. I'm starting to wonder just how much I did put myself out of sorts working on "Mr. 3000." The strange thing is though, I'm not all that tired, and I certainly have no qualms whatsoever about the hours I pulled out there at Miller Park. Just saying I had a blast probably doesn't even do the experience justice!

I suppose I did end up sleeping during most of the afternoon on Wednesday though, maybe a few hours or so. Perhaps it's not that I'm not sleeping enough.... Maybe I'm just on a 'sleep when I'm tired' kind of schedule.... [shrug].

Anyway, early this morning, I got up from my restless slumber, and worked a little on my character and lines for "Second Honeymoon," the two-person, one-act stage show I was recently cast in. It looks like a lot of fun. Not really a big stretch for me character-wise, but a lot of fun nonetheless. I'm really looking forward to it. My first rehearsal is this evening... The show then goes up later at the end of the month.

When I came to a point where I set the play down, I got to thinking.... And, somehow my thoughts went back to my time spent on-set working on the made-for-television film, "In the Net." I didn't have a speaking role in the film, but I was heavily involved, popping up as different background characters all over the place. It was a very enjoyable experience, but then again, that can be said of nearly all of my acting opportunities thus far. :)

So, this morning, as I lay on my bed thinking, I decided to pop my taped copy of "In the Net" into the VCR and watch it again. For some reason I really enjoy this film, and not just becasue I was involved with it....

"In the Net explores the lives of two college students… different races… different likes and dislikes… different attitudes, friends and activities. Their first chance meeting is physically and emotionally explosive. What follows challenges all they've learned, thought and believed. Trey is an African American basketball star with a full scholarship to the university. When Trey gets into a fight with Josh, a white student, his arrest puts his scholarship in jeopardy. But Trey's advisor is determined that he will not become another dropout statistic. ....

To teach Trey the meaning of humility, responsibility, discipline and the value of teamwork, he is suspended from the basketball team. To keep his scholarship, Trey must join the all-white ice hockey team. Tension builds as Trey and Josh meet again and are forced to work together in a struggle for acceptance, understanding and mutual respect."

It's a good story. I recommend it to anyone interested. It's definitely well worth seeing. Check out the production 'company' website sometime....

But, you know, as I think back upon my work in "In the Net", or even "Mr. 3000", there's just a certain satisfaction in being part of something good -- a good effort at storytelling. Maybe that's what draws me to 'playing pretend' so much. I just love the opportunity to be someone else for a while, and to create a story, or be part of a story, that looks at the lives and conditions of the human mind, interaction, and spirit. Especially lately, I'm finding within myself, a real strong desire to learn more about others, a passion to tell their stories, and a love for the process and effort.

But I've also been giving a lot of thought to my love of art. And when I do sit down and think about it, the little voice inside me always seems to start reasoning...., "Jon, you're good at art -- very good, but why aren't you out there knocking on doors, seeking out those opportunities to act -- to tell stories? I know you enjoy art. I know you have a passion to create. But don't kid yourself, I see how much you love acting too. If you ask me, maybe you have more of a love for it than you do of making art your career. Seriously. I see you struggle to remain motivated with some of these art projects you've been doing lately. You want to get out there and pretend. You want to move, keep busy, learn, grow, expand your skill. But you hold back sometimes. Why?.... You know success will come in what you love doing most. Don't hold back. Grab that passion by the reins and get moving!"

But it's not that easy. I have two passions in my life -- art and acting. I'm good at both. But the more I keep thinking about it, the more I wonder if I really can combine the two into ONE career? I don't really want to keep doing artwork for the rest of my life. I'm not even sure I want to be a graphic artist anymore. But I certainly have no intention of giving up my artwork,... maybe it would be better secondary to something else....

Hey, I'm good at art, sure, won a few nice awards and a lot of praise at it too, but I usually seem to just sit still in art.... And there's not a lot of change. Doing art, I'm one thing -- an artist. As much as I do love it, I don't want to be just an artist for the rest of my life; I don't really want to sit still.... I want to try my hand at a little bit of something else. I want to be Mark Twain... or that bad guy... or the romantic guy struggling to love.... or even that explorer seeking out something no one else has yet discovered. I want to be more of an actor, but sometimes I feel my art holds me back. And I don't really know why.

Hey, I could care less about landing a role that could net me the big money. I could care less whether the role is a lead or a supporting character. Obviously I already love the small stuff. And beyond making a simple living, I could care less about the dollars. Seriously. I'm not interested in just the fame. I don't want a million dollar house or an 'unlimited' bank account. What would I do with all that? I just wanna act, plain and simple. Sure I want to make a living, but not an extravagent living. ...Unfortunately, the true opportunites are few and far between.... Especially for someone such as myself, who's resume does not yet include big-time Shakespearean shows, or Spielberg-like directors, or even the big-names in theatre.

When it all comes down to it though, my dreams are big, my spirit ready to run, but I don't know where to go. I am an unknown. And, who really notices the unknown?

Ah, well, I guess it'll just be the eternal question on my mind. Act, or Draw. Which suits me better. To pursue one, and lose the other, would hurt greatly. To combine them both continues to prove an endless struggle. I guess I keep doing what I love -- balancing both of them -- and hoping, the old saying is true.... "Do what you love, and the success will follow."

All I can do is keep trying, right? God will handle the rest....

Well, enough thinking out loud. Have a blessed Thursday. :)

Your always musing friend,
-Jon
posted by Jon at 8:06 AM  I   I  0 comments