"Scamming the Scammer"

Earlier last month I had an interesting online conversation. On occassion, I like to hop into Yahoo Messenager and just see who I meet. Afterall, the world is a vast place full of people from many different cultures and ideas. Being cultured is a good thing. Usually I pick my conversations wisely, and I seek out the more intellectual or intelligent conversationalists. However, sometimes a very amusing one gets through -- one that is neither intellectual NOR intelligent.

So, out of the blue one day, I recieved a message from a fellow in Africa -- someone I did not know. He messaged me, so I figured I'd give him the benefit of the doubt, and return his greeting. After only a few exchanges, however, I determined two things... first, this guy was a scammer trying to take advantage of me, and second, this was a perfect opportunity for me to pull a fast one on him -- and have a little fun at his expense.

So, what follows is the sarcastic conversation that ensued. You tell me who the cultured one was!

*********************

SCAMMER: hi.
ME: Umm. Hi.
S: [name],45,M, from Nigeria.
M: Jon. Male. 24. USA.
S: I work for the govt. of nigeria as a director in the petroleum ministry. what do you do?
M: I'm an actor and an artist.
S: Thats nice. I will be coming to the usa in febuary for investment. can you assist me 'cos i dont know anyone in the usa.
M: And how do you want me to assist you?
S: What about transfering my funds to the usa prior to my arrival 'cos i caanot cary cash.
M: I see. And you want to transfer them to me, right?
S: So can you assist me in the transfer by providing me with an account? If I get to the usa, I can then do the investment with you by my side.
M: Really? Great!.... But why did you choose me?
S: Americans are very trust-worthy, besides my colleagues have done it in the past without any disappointment.
M: Of course. But how do you know I am trustworthy? Have we met?
S: I know that America is such an organised society that you can never disappear with my money,ok.
M: I see. I am still curious though, why have you chosen me specifically. You could have picked anyone. That, and I tend to prefer to conduct business with people I trust. Not that I'm saying you're untrustworthy. I'm sure you're a very upstanding Nigerian. I'm just curious. Americans are usually very curious.
S: Yes, you are doing the right thing, but sometimes you try out new avenues in life.
M: Of course. I love trying new things.... Ok, so when do you plan to come to the US? I'd want to have your funds ready when you arrive.
S: I should be in the usa mid-Febuary,ok.
M: Mid-February works.
S: So ahve you agreed to recieve my funds on my behalf?
M: Sure, why not. If you're coming in February, where am I supposed to meet you?
S: what about meetting you in your state?
M: Do you know what state that is, and where it is located?
S: No. You had better tell me right away,ok.
M: Well, have you ever heard of Wisconsin. It might be a little out of the way. Kind of in the middle of nowhere. Not many people know how to get here.
S: So where do you advice me to? I will depend on ur advice,ok.
M: Oh, I see. Well, investment opportunities are actually the greatest in New York, as that is generally one of the USA's largest banking cities. Lots and lots of money in New York. However, New York is a long way from Wisconsin.
S: So which bank are we using and where is it located?
M: Well, it would be located in Wisconsin (obviously) and it's called [insert fake bank name]. It's a tiny bank. But it has excellent security. Your money would be quite safe there.
S: When are you sending the details to me?
M: What details do you need in specific?
S: Your name in full, bank name, acount number, bank address.
M: Well, how do I know someone else isn't monitoring this conversation? I'd want this to be a very secure connection. This is the internet afterall. People monitor conversations all the time.
S: Ok, would you ring me to give me the details?
M: Well, unfortuantely my telephone is in the shop for repairs. Transmission problems. I don't have a phone until next week.
S: + xxx xxx xxx xxxx. whats ur number?
M: Like I said, I don't have a telephone until next week. It annoys me, but what can I do?
S: Cant you call from a pay-phone?
M: Well, I would.... but since almost everyone in the USA has cell phones now, the government has removed all the payphones. They don't make enough money anymore. There was a payphone on the corner, but the phone company tore it up and took it away yesterday.
S: There must be a way out, I will expect ur call or do you want to send it to my mail box?
M: Yeah, I know. But how do I call you if I don't have a phone (it's in the shop for repair, remember). I don't know how well my email will work, but I can try.
S: That will be ok. Bye.
M: Wait!
S: What is the problem?
M: I want to do this, but I don't know how.
S: I though I made myself very clear.
M: You did. But how do I get hold of you?
S: I just gave you my Tel number.
M: I know, but what's your email address. I need that if you want me to send you any info.
S: [insert Scammer's email address]
M: I'll try sending an email. Hold on a second.... [pretend to send email].
S: ok,what time is it in Wisconsin?
M: 10:30pm. It's late in the evening. Obviously the bank here would be closed. But you can always try sending the funds in the morning. Someone is usually there early to count all the dollar bills.
S: It is 5:30Am(Mon), if you send the details, I assure you that the fund will be transfered by Tuesday,ok.
M: Ok, I sent the email. Let me know when you get it. If not, I can try again.
S: ok.
[pause]
M: Did you get it yet? I sent it priority email. That means it should have gotten right away. I even used the correct postage.
S: I got no mail. You have to re-try,ok.
M: Ok. Unfortuantely, the same phone company also provides my email. If it’s broken, I’ll be very mad at them. First they take my phone, then they slow down my internet…. Ok, I resent it.
[pause]
S: Where you dont come up fast, I will meet my colleagues and they will tell me whom to use. Time is not my friend.
M: I am sorry. How else can I send you the info? I really would like to help you invest, and I think you’d be the perfect person to show me how. You seem to know a lot more than I do. You picked the right guy. I assure you.
S: ok.
M: Do you want to transfer the funds as soon as possible, or can you wait until next week when my phone is repaired?… Or can I send the info by messenger pigeon?
S: It has to be there before I start coming, so when next wk?
M: Well, my phone company told me that I could come pick up my phone on Monday. So, Monday. Would that work? Monday would still be before Mid-February. And it only takes a few hours to fly from Nigeria to Wisconsin.
S: ok, just call me as soon as u r ready,ok.
M: Will I reach you directly, or do you have a secretary?
S: this is my mobile number.
M: Oh, well, that's perfect then! Do you usually answer right away, or do you have an answering machine?
S: I answer right awy.
M: Oh, good. I hate answering machines.
S: ok.
M: Wait a second, is your phone number an overseas number? Overseas phone numbers cost a fortune from Wisconsin. Some stupid government thing. We have a wierd government over here. If it costs, will you be able to pick up the charge.... as a courtesy?
[silence]
M: Are you still there?
[pause]
M: Hello?
[pause]
M: Hmm. I guess that’s a no then.

*********************

Something tells me this guy was new to the scamming business. Either that, or he's as gullible as the unsuspecting Americans he hopes to con. I shudder to think all Nigerian scam artists are actually this stupid! A scammer who doesn't know he's the one being scammed isn't going to get too far. But, then again, all the better for us "trustworthy Americans", right? :)

-Jon
posted by Jon at 10:44 PM  I   I  0 comments