"Heartbroken, but Patient"

I miss my Jenny. We haven't talked much this past week, as she's chosen to stay away and work through her struggles on her own. I desperately want to help ease her pain, though -- we're very close and I love her very much -- but she prefers to do this on her own. And I fear her concerns over the differences between my Lutheran beliefs and her Baptist beliefs aren't the only things weighing heavily upon her heart and mind.

This weekend, she's visiting a friend in North Carolina -- a former "boyfriend" -- who was the cause of a very painful breakup a while ago. He was also the cause for her move from Ohio back to Tennessee (to live with her parents again), where she attempted to start her life over, and as a result, went into nursing school. Since then, however, this former boyfriend has found God, and has been slowly changing his perspective on life. According to Jenny, this, and our present doctrinal differences, have brought old feelings to the surface again.

My biggest fear in all this, though, is that I'm losing her to the easy road. The man that broke her heart (among other things), and caused such drastic change in her life, now seems to be a more desirable choice to her than the man who loves her unconditionally -- but has a slightly different doctrine of belief than she does. She's not confrontational, and she's deathly afraid of something she's not familiar with.

She and I have known each other for over seven months. And they've been an amazing seven months of growth, patience, love, and learning... But then, suddenly, all these issues with her explode to the forefront, she goes into hiding, and I'm left confused, hurting, and feeling as though I did something to drive her away.

I love her deeply. I'll let her go if that's what's best for her, but I so desperately want to fight for her too. She's an amazing friend, the perfect companion, and one heck of a beautiful woman (inside and out). I don't want to lose her, but my love is willing to let her go if I have to.

I just hate being conflicted like this. Here's hoping she'll still be willing to help put *my* concerns and struggles to rest. She's in my prayers, she has my heart, and I have my fingers crossed. I'm heartbroken.... but patient.

-Jon
posted by Jon at 8:14 PM  I   I  0 comments