"What If... A Love Story"

Back when I was in high school, there was a girl I liked... a quiet unassuming girl who seemed to keep to herself most of the time. She wasn't popular, she wasn't the gorgeous social butterfly that most of the guys took notice of, she was just quiet, unassuming Jessica. And I had a "crush" on her ever since my Sophomore year.

See, I was young then, extremely shy, self-contious, not entirely self-confident, and very much in need of companionship -- companionship from a girl who truely understood me. Oh, I had a good small circle of guy friends -- usually the not-so-popular group -- but that was about it. I was just too shy to expand that circle, much less meet most of the girls around me. People knew *of* me; they knew who I was from my acting roles, my stage work, and my frequent art awards, but they didn't really stop to befriend me. I still felt somewhat alone.

Since I usually spent a lot of my time by myself, I would often dream of my perfect girl companion. I imagined her to be musically-inclined, God-fearing, shy, imperfect, longing for companionship like myself, cute in a radiantly simple sort of way, conservative in fashion, intelligent, kind, owning a great smile, etc. She kept me company when my few guy friends weren't able to. I imagined her entire life's story, I drew her portrait... I even gave her a name: Jenny.

But, of course, Jenny was just a dream. A powerful dream, but nothing more than that -- a figment of my extraordinarily creative mind. So when I met Jessica, I took an instant liking to her. She was very similar to my Jenny, only Jessica was real.

As I progressed through high school, and inched closer to graduation, I kept my imaginary Jenny close by, but also took an interest in Jessica. I was always shy, generally quiet, much less self-confident than I am now. So, you can imagine how hard it was whenever I was around her. We got along with each other, we were friendly, but we never really became too close.

Then, by some strange miracle, near the end of my Senior year, I found the nerve to ask Jessica to Prom. And, get this, she said yes! I was overjoyed! I'd never asked a girl out before, and here she was -- as shy and red-faced as I was -- smiling and saying she'd LOVE to go to the Prom with me! I was on cloud nine, literally. I probably stayed there for a few days too!

Prom night came (after a few nervous weeks of planning), and we had a good time. We chatted, danced (awkwardly at times), and I'm sure I appeared as silly and sheepish as I felt. But we both had fun. And in the end, Jessica helped break my shell. I finally started to realize that I really wasn't as lacking in self-confidence as I had always thought. And I really wasn't as uninteresting to girls either. I was shy, but I knew I could overcome that. And my self-worth started to rise.

But then the sad realization hit... I was enrolled in a college 300 miles east in Milwaukee (Wisconsin), and Jessica was going to a university in northern Minnesota. Our budding friendship was probably going to end, and due entirely to geography and distance. I was heartbroken.

Once college started, I tried to keep in contact with Jessica, but it just didn't work out, and, as a result, we both went our separate ways.

But, the story doesn't end there. No. Thanks to Jessica, I entered my freshman year of college with a newfound perspective on life. I had discovered the world beyond my former shy self, and I started to make new friends -- lots of them. I got involved in activities, I opened up, I found the stage and started making a name for myself. I met fellow art students, I won greater recognition, and I suddenly started to become far more social than I had ever imagined. I even ended up with most of my closest college friends being girls! How's that for a complete turnaround!

Because of Jessica, I started to become the Jon you know today.

In moments of contemplation, though, I often wonder... "What If?". What if Jessica and I hadn't parted ways? How would things have turned out? Would she and I have fallen in love? Would we be happily married? She put the first crack in my shell. She opened me up to discovering that I really could blossom into someone better. And she was -- or could arguably have been -- my first love.

Lately, though, I've learned God had other plans for me. For the first time in my life, the puzzle pieces have really fallen together, and I've gotten a glimpse of what that plan might be.

In November (2006), I met Jenny (the REAL one down in Tennessee), and, at the time, it seemed to be a completely random chance meeting. But, not so. God had a hand in it, and He was finally putting together those pieces of my life that had originated so many years ago.

See, as much as I might try to downplay it, my Jenny now, is the very same Jenny I dreamed of when I was younger -- the very same Jenny I so desperately longed to meet. She fits the mold of that girl perfectly -- She's musically-inclined, God-fearing, shy, imperfect, longing for companionship like myself, cute in a radiantly simple sort of way, conservative in fashion, intelligent, kind, a great smile, etc. She even has the same name! What are the odds of that?!

When I look back now, I can definitely see God's hand at work in my life. He molded me into that extremely shy boy who couldn't meet girls, so that I would be able to dream of the Jenny He was setting me up to meet twelve years later. He used Jessica in my life to put the first crack into my shell, and that in turn opened me up to the challenges of growing into the man Jenny needed me to be -- The man that could love her completely -- despite all *her* failings.

Yeah, God works in unexpected ways. I could have remained close to Jessica, but then I would never have fallen in love with my dream-come-true Jenny. ... And I would never have found the determination and persistence to overcome my shy youth, and fight for a woman who needs -- more than anything -- someone to fight for her.

-Jon
posted by Jon at 4:28 PM  I   I  0 comments