Tonight's rehearsal was an eye-opening one. Don't get me wrong, we had a lot of creativity, and plenty of great ideas to go around, but I felt a bit off from the moment I walked into the rehearsal space. I had spent much of the afternoon working on my script. Preparing. Memorizing lines. Internalizing my character. I thought I was ready to go, but once we started running the scene... that preparation just evaporated. And I was left stumbling around.
Such is the way of things sometimes, I suppose. You put a lot of work into being ready for something, you're confident, steady... but then when the event begins, the nerves take over -- often unexpectedly, and you're back at square one.
Thankfully, I didn't have to be as ready as I prepared for, but still, it flustered me. I tried to hide my frustration, but I have a feeling the director may have picked up on it. And I hate letting others down. It bugs me. I'm a bit of a perfectionist, this I know. And I know I over-prepared. But still. I wasn't completely happy with what I brought to tonight's rehearsal.
Tomorrow will be a chance to redeem myself -- even if only inside my head. We're doing a different scene, a shorter scene. Less dramatic (for my character anyway). I'll take the lessons from today, and turn them into the success of tomorrow.
For now, I'm home. Strangely tired. Ready for bed. I enjoyed my late dinner; I think I'll grab some sleep, and start fresh tomorrow. Perhaps a reset will do me good.
Have a successful Wednesday all, keep trying, and until next time,
Your frequently musing friend,